First Day Back Frozen Door Fiasco

Welcome to Canada.  Where one day it can go from -5 Celsius, to freezing rain, to plus 7 Celsius outside with normal rain, to -20 Celsius with the windchill……in 24 hours. That’s right, let us coat everything in a layer of water then snap freeze that into a “winter wonderland”.  That’s what I woke to this morning.  Add in kids that have been sleeping in til 9am for 2 weeks that just got woken at 6:30am.  Did I mention it’s also the first day back from Christmas vacation? Ughhhhhhh.

Ok, so there are some advantages to living in this icy hell. This is my backyard.....and my all star!

Ok, so there are some advantages to living here. This is my backyard…..and my all star!

The kids are grumpy and tired, ok, ok, I’M also grumpy and tired.  I make 4 breakfasts (because no one will eat the same thing), 2 lunches, negotiate 2 outfits (no, you cannot wear that tank top, seriously, where did she find the tank top?), do 3 sets of hair (braids like Anna for two), brush 4 sets of teeth and slap on some makeup to make me look human.  I think we’re ready.  No, wait, we need to collect every new toy we got at Christmas to take to daycare.  So while the kids do that, I run out and pry open the driver’s side door to start the van.

I race back in and we all struggle into sweaters, coats, scarves, hats, mitts and boots.  We finally make it to the van, not bad, we’re only 15 minutes late and the sliding doors are frozen solid. Fffffffff.  I pull and pull, then I throw myself against the door to maybe “loosen” it and pull some more.  Nothing.  So I go to the other side and do the same thing and nothing.  Looks like we’re going through the trunk kids.  Even the trunk takes 3 pulls and 2 body throws before it opens.  Finally it comes up, hooray!  Oh F again, the split seat is up.  As I struggle to get the split seat down, the camping chairs keep falling in the way……WHY do we still have 6 camping chairs in the trunk?!?  Finally it’s ¾ of the way down, good enough, who freaking cares and I pile the kids in.  While they get in their seats, I race back into the house and collect the bags and pitch them into the passenger front door (it opens! Gasp!).  Then I race around back, climb in through the trunk and buckle the kids up.

If you can't escape, you might as well embrace it!

If you can’t escape, you might as well embrace it!

I climb into the drivers seat and begin to pull away, at the same time the your door is open dinger starts going off…………oh yah, I can’t get the effing door open but it’s open enough to set off the damned alarm!  Arghhh!  At the same time Dexter yells “Mom!  The door is open!”  I say, yes, I know, it’s the stupid side doors, now they are frozen “open”.  Then Violet yells “Mom!  The door!”  And again, I say, I KNOW, it’s frozen open now.  As I turn out onto the Highway, yes we live on a Highway, I think hmm, that sounds like the door is, OMG, THAT door is open!!!!  Once again, due to the balmy weather, the latch for the front passenger door is frozen and IT is open.  It’s not like hanging open…yet, but I can see that it’s just sitting there.  Shit.  At this point I’m already doing about 65km/hr.  Double shit.  And there’s 3 cars behind me.  Triple shit.  If I slam on the breaks it’s going to fling open and all the bags are going to fly all over the highway.  My son is freaking out, but I say, it’s fine, don’t worry.  So, I keep going, my daycare is about 30 seconds away, I can do this!  So I creep along as the people behind me curse and swear (I can see them) and as I make the left turn (of course it had to be left) at 5km/hr (people behind are PISSED) into the daycare’s driveway, the door goes flying open.  I lay my hand on top of the bags and miraculously, nothing falls out!  And I let out a woohoo!!  And then I hear the giggling.  My son is hysterical.   And I start laughing too because really, what else can I do?  It’s too early to drink.




2 responses to “First Day Back Frozen Door Fiasco

  1. OMG. Loved this story. I grew up in Minnesota and totally understand the frozen door scenario.

  2. Nice read over my coffee this AM. Way to go Crystal, you sum up life, and life with kids beautifully ;).

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