Look what I grew! I made it myself!

Welcome to the wacky world of parenting! I feel like I know tons of people having lil bundles of joy right now!!  It’s not always easy and I think the best thing is to share that with others so they realize they are normal.  My youngest pair will be turning 3 this spring, whoaaaa how did that happen?!?!  So I’m almost, mostly, somedays? in the clear?….. Here’s some reality mood boosters for the new parents.


Look what I made! My girls are almost 3 years old now…..AND I’m still alive!!!!!

  • You just shit out a bowling ball from your va-j-j.  It’s about as glamorous as it sounds.  That’s gonna take some time to heal……..don’t try to be wonder woman.  OR you just had major surgery and were sliced in half……that’s also gonna take some time to heal.  OR for those really fortunate ones you shit out a bowling ball and then got sliced in half to get the other bowling ball out…..someone get that woman a drink AND give yourself the time to heal.
  • Your body will never be the same.  You grew a human.  Say that if someone gives you flack.  If you had twins, even better because you get to say, I grew two humans, AT THE SAME TIME.
  • Breastfeeding is all good and wonderful but A) Not easy for everyone and B) Not always for everyone….to my knowledge, formula has not harmed any children to date and if it results in the parents getting 2 extra hours of sleep, it might be worth a bedtime top up.  Do not beat yourself up over this.  I think this is the #1 “shaming” that new mothers face.  And this bothers me because a new mom is dealing with so much already.  Let me just say it, I did not enjoy breastfeeding.  I did it, yes but I was so happy when it ended.  It just wasn’t for me and that is ok.
  • Yoga or track pants are completely acceptable wardrobe choices for public outings of new parents and/or parents of young children (we’ll use that term young loosely……once they hit double digits you may need a new excuse!)
  • Babies like to be swaddled snuggly after being born.  They were squashed to the max in your tummy so it freaks them out a bit at first.  I can stretch?!?!  What’s going on?!?  So, learn how to swaddle. And don’t go all out and be buying some fancy velcro swaddler, your baby is just going to barf all over it in 5 seconds and you’ll end up using the cheap ass receiving blanket anyway.  Make sure to tuck those arms and hands in too.  And it needs to be snug, not tight, snug.
  • Babies cry.  And sometimes cry for no reason, sometimes for hours (high fives all around for any fellow SURVIVORS of colicky babies).  If you need a break, take it.  Put them down in their crib, it’s the safest place for them.  Go sit down in another room where the crying is less loud and take a moment, eat some chocolate, watch a really funny youtube video, whatever will cheer you.  Go back when you are ready.  If they are crying, they are breathing and they and you will be ok for 5 minutes.

Team Scream. How in the hell did I manage to get 3 colicky babies?!?!

  • If you’ve got a fusspot, get yourself a carrier or wrap, worth every penny.
  • You can have the best day and the worst day in a matter of minutes
  • Complete strangers will like to give you advice and touch your baby……and…..everyone will have an opinion but only YOURS matters
  • Don’t freak yourself Google’ing everything, ask your Doc OR if your Doctor is a moron (it happens, say when they have no children of their own and are still living with their parents) ask your Mom or Grandma or Aunt.  If they are useless too, find a girlfriend with a kid about 1 year older than your own.  You’re set.  Oh who are we kidding you’re gonna google it anyway, just don’t believe everything you read.
  • Tylenol and Advil are two completely different drugs….if one doesn’t work, you can give the other (just keep track of what time you gave what, write it down).
  • Gripe water, ovol and probiotic drops are miraculous things
  • Your level of housecleaning will drop drastically and that is ok
  • You level of personal hygiene will drop drastically and that is ok.  Hairy legs, pits, Chewbacca stylin!  But if the mailman is avoiding eye contact….it’s time.

My son at only a couple months old. He was and is ridiculously cute. Good thing because he screamed at this age for 6 hours a day :s

  • When baby sleeps, YOU sleep, no matter what time of day.  That includes when you have company over.  See ya!
  • However being a mean mommy can sometimes pay off…..once baby gets a bit older, waking them from naps can sometimes equal better sleeps at night.  Yes, it is nice for your baby to have a nap during the day, yes, you can get tons done and have a nap yourself…..but if it results in your baby getting up frequently at night OR staying up until 10pm…..might be time to be a mean mommy and limit naps.
  • It is completely acceptable to turn off the ringer on your phone and ignore people at your door.
  • The best way to treat cradle cap is to comb your child’s hair, if they have limited hair, comb their head!  Watch the flakes fly! (Soft brushes don’t work, you need a baby comb)
  • There are lots of dangerous people out there…….but there are a lot of good people out there too and they are willing to help you if you ask.  I have had many strangers hold one of the twins while I paid for my groceries, food, clothes, prescription….alcohol…..:s….I even had a stranger pack my groceries for me once while the girls screamed, all she said was, do you need help?  And I said YES, yes I do.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  When others offer help, take it.
  • There are no stupid questions.  Especially when you are sleep deprived.  It’s like being really hung over all the time.

And my final thought is, the first 3 months suck.  Major.  Then it gets a bit better and a bit better and then it’s going A LOT better and you have to return to work (about 1 year in Canada)……then it’s hell again for a few months, then you adjust, phew and THEN you usually get pregnant with another baby.  F.  HAHAHAHA.  What were you thinking?!?!?!  Get a puppy instead!!!  HAHAHAHA!  I mean a fish, I mean a toy fish, I mean a painting of a fish.  There you go.


It’s all worth it!


One response to “Look what I grew! I made it myself!

  1. Love it Crystal! So true and so much people don’t tell you before you have children. And yes once you make it through the first few years it gets easier… For a while until the teenage years. Lol! But it is all so worth it for all the love laughter and smiles our children bring to our lives! 🙂

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