This Mom’s Top Gifts for Mother’s Day

Ok Dads, let’s just admit it now.  There are 3 sleeps to Mother’s day and you haven’t even thought about it.  It’s not that you don’t know it’s coming, it’s that you, like every other male on the face of the earth leave it to the last minute.  So to make your life easier I have compiled a list of what I feel most mother’s would cherish.  And most of these things are FREE.  Yes, that’s right, FREEEEE!!!!!

MomEnvelope

My special Birthday envelope designed by my son. Future picasso.

NO COOKING.  This also includes NO meal planning OR grocery shopping.  There is one chore I hate more than anything in the world and that is planning meals, grocery shopping and THEN cooking it.  ARGH.  I get angry just thinking about it.  So on this special day, I do not want to think about food, I want it to magically appear in front of me!  TA-DA!  This is such a foreign thought to me that it almost makes me giggle, like the food is just there ready to eat?!?!?  And if I don’t like it, it is completely acceptable for me to complain, refuse to eat it and then YOU proceed to cook or prepare food for me, whatever the kids want and something for yourself.  Welcome, welcome my friend.

Sleep.  If you have children that are under the age of 10, I can GUARANTEE that Mom wants and needs it.  In fact if you let her sleep in, she will be in a better mood for Mother’s Day and may not make you re-make her lunch.

A Break Away from the Kids.  Being a Mom is exhausting, every moment you are home is spent on edge to the needs of others.  So send her away!  Coffee with her friends, a matinee, the spa, whatever it may be, an hour away, keeps the troubles at bay.

Her favourite treat.  Pay attention and make note of that special treat your Mom loves.  Is it a specific chocolate bar?  Maybe she loves gossip magazines but just never bothers?  Don’t think expensive, think, what would be a treat for my Mom?  The trick here is knowing and paying attention!

Happy Children.  I know am I being realistic?  I don’t know, maybe this is just a daydream about Unicorns.  But anyway the last thing Mom feels like listening to is crying on her special day.  I have heard so much crying in my life so far that I will literally do almost anything now to make it stop.  So do whatever it takes, be it Tylenol, Advil, chocolate, brandy….oh wait that’s for the Mom.

happy kids

Please note – THIS is what Happy Children look like. Now freeze them and keep them in this state ALL day…..

Booze.  Nothing says I love you like a bottle of wine, mickey of vodka or six pack of beer.  Let’s face it, chances are Mommy dearest indulges every night after the chaos has settled to a dull roar.   In fact, make it extra special, maybe she can have a glass, dare I say it, WHEN THE KIDS ARE AWAKE!!!

Diaper. Free. Day.  I have been changing diapers for a solid FIVE years now.  3 under 3 = too many diapers to imagine.  Side note – I don’t recommend having more than 1 at a time.  Ok, I will compromise, I’ll take clear fluids, Dad’s on deck for everything else!!!!

Flowers that Don’t Die.  Fresh cut flowers are nice…..for about 5 days.  Then they all die.  But you know what can last for months?!  A nice hanging basket or pot of flowers!  And get ready, they are not as expensive!  Hooray!  Now if your Mom doesn’t have anything living (other than the children) for a 1km radius you might want to steer clear of the plants OR get fresh cut flowers.  They die anyway, then she won’t feel guilty for killing them.

A Drawing from the kids.  It’s cheesy, it’s ugly, it’s got jam on it, one corner is ripped and it needs a pint-size translator AND………SHE. WILL. LOVE IT.  Nothing in the world beats a drawing (or “craft” ) by your kids.

Drawing

A drawing by the Dex man. Not only is it awesomely hilarious, it is true to life, my legs are indeed that long and my arms that stick like. AND I LOVE IT!

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One response to “This Mom’s Top Gifts for Mother’s Day

  1. Marilyn Manson

    Too funny but so true! You are right men don’t realize that the few “free” mentions above mean more than all the money spent on a Mom!! It is taking the time to show that you care!
    Love, Your Mommy xoxo
    Happy Mother’s Day!

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