What you are never going to think about when your kids start school

So junior is starting school soon. How the heck did that happen?!? How are they even old enough to go?!? It’s going to sneak up on you much faster than you think. I am still in shock over the fact that my son is DONE his first year in 3 months. WHAT?! If they are starting next year you may have already registered them………YES you can actually register them in FEBRUARY of the year they start. And I suggest you take advantage of those acclimitization visits they plan. They really help. And yes, they are going to give you a list of what you need and need to know. And it is also helpful. I, however have added a few things to the list that I feel also might be helpful.

Crazy Hair Day at School!

Crazy Hair Day at School! Uh YAH, I totally hair chalked him up!

Let me start by saying my son’s teachers and EA’s are great.  Seriously.  But there are going to be some hiccups.  This is from a combination of how things are setup, time restraints and class size to name a few.  24 kids?  I, personally would be LOCO.  Anyway, here we go!

The Teacher’s List of what you need

– A small to medium sized book bag, big enough for a lunch, water bottle and book

– A change of clothes

– Indoor shoes

– A lunch and water bottle

MY List of what you need and need to know

• A LARGE bookbag, preferably one that your child is not able to stand upright with once on. Why? Because they are going to send home more crap then you can possibly imagine. Also, these people have NEVER in their life packed groceries and just randomly throw your child’s shit in there, so it takes up 3 times the amount of space it should.

• Find the worst, ugliest change of clothes you can find. Why? Because they are going to lose all your child’s clothes. That’s why. In fact you are likely to end up with someone else’s clothes coming home A) ON your child or B) in his bookbag.

• Velcro shoes, pants with no zippers or buttons, shirts with no buttons, heck if you can find a pull-over coat, go for it. Why? Because junior is on their own, so unless they can do up their pants, shirt or coat by themselves they may be going undone or not able to go to the bathroom all day.

• A bank account specifically for school. So the first day you might not get a request for money but just wait, it’s a coming – book fairs, fundraisers, milk order, milk shake order, hot lunch, hot dog day, field trips, pictures, the list is endless! And you thought you needed to save for college or university? HA!

• You do not pee outside. Ok, so if you have a girl OR if you live in a suburban area, you are thinking WTF. Ok, wait a minute, I will admit I’ve seen a friends little girl also pee outside (uh yah and she stood up like a guy, yah it WAS impressive) so maybe just for those in suburban areas. Anyway we, meaning, we who live in the rural areas, don’t make our children go inside to pee, especially in the summer and especially if it’s a boy. This is all fine, dandy and convenient UNTIL they head off to school. If you do not warn your child to go inside to pee, and the recess yard shares a fence with a herd of cows, they are going to pee on the fence. It’s a fact of life. So I am warning you now, just a heads up “rural” folks.

Monster Face Dex being silly

Monster Face Dex being silly

• Eating is an Olympic event. Ok, so they don’t hold a stopwatch but they might as well. When that bell rings, your child has exactly 20 minutes to consume their food. Not 19 minutes, or 21 minutes. 20 minutes. EXACTLY. This does not include the time it is going to take them to A) even get their lunch pail open and B) get the containers open. If they aren’t finished that’s too bad, if they had to go pee half-way through, that’s also too bad. If they have a half eaten banana, it goes into their lunch pail. Yes. And if it’s a half eaten yogurt…..ALSO goes into the lunch pail. Bottom line here, get a washable lunch pail, transfer all food to Tupperware AND be prepared with food and drink when your starving child gets off the bus.

• Teacher’s pets still exist. You are going to get newsletters telling you that you are not allowed to send treats for special occasions. You are also going to get newsletters with special thank you’s to specific parents for sending treats and gifts for special occasions……? Some things never change.

• Your child believes everything they make at school is important and deserves a place on the fridge. Let’s face it, the fridge is not that big. So we put a cork board up in our son’s room and he can put ALL his school stuff on it and then once a month we “pack” that stuff away to make room for more. And I do pack some of the stuff away……just not all of it!

• Everyone gets sick. This also includes your child’s bus driver and teacher. Warn them now so they don’t have a freak attack if they go to get on the bus and the usual sweet faced woman who drives the bus has turned into a burly bearded man. WHOA! My kids are planners. They like to know EXACTLY who and where and what they will be doing. If yours are the same, give them a pep talk, especially if you don’t personally put them on the bus or drop them off to school.

• Bully’s exist. Even in Junior Kindergarten. It’s unfortunate that we even have to talk to our kids about this at the age of 4 (or 3!). But it’s a reality. My son has one in his class already. The child obviously has issues because things have slowly trickled home that he doesn’t always get to eat lunch with them, he sits on timeouts alot, etc, etc. BUT that does not mean they can push your child around. Dexter has come home with a bloody lip already and he was told, Do not start fights or push others around because if you do there will be BIG trouble. BUT if someone tries to push you around, defend yourself. And if the teachers have a problem with it, tell them to phone me, I’ll be quite happy to talk to them.


Kids being dragged around on a piece of wood. And yes, they love it. And yes, Daddy installed holy shit handles.

So there you have it. That’s my list. I’m sure those with kids in school can all think of additional things. I never knew how exhausting school would be on round 2. Just like all those sappy things say, you really appreciate and understand your own parents when you have kids of your own!


Me and my Mom and Dad. Raised 3 girls with only 5 years between oldest and youngest…….3 teenage girls all at once……yikes!


2 responses to “What you are never going to think about when your kids start school

  1. As usual another information and hilarious entry Crystal! So true….especially the bank account and zero help from teachers and god help the little ones whose birthdays fall at the end of the year and start school when they are still only 3….yet need to completely look after themselves. Absurd really.
    P.S. Love the pic of you with mom and dad! So good of all of you! 🙂

  2. Marilyn Manson

    I survived with 3 teenage girls – well barely – just joking and enjoy them still – the best part is I now have 2 wonderful son-in-laws and many grandchildren – it only gets better!!

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