So I only work 3 days/week. And everyone tells me how wonderful it must be to have those “days off”. And I’m not going to deny it, I LOVE my “days off” with my kids. But I would not call it a “day off”. In fact I probably work harder in one day than many do in a week. I decided to leave the computer open one morning and write down what happens on a typical morning.
The Culprits: Dexter, Age 4, Violet & Hazel, Age 14 months
The Victim: Crystal, Mom, Age 32
7:30 am – Breakfast. I get the twins dressed and into their clothes and in their highchairs for breakfast. I tell Dexter to decide what he wants for breakfast while I get the girls breakfast ready. This is a very hard decision, he finally decides on cinnamon toast crunch while I’m feeding Violet. When Violet is done, I get Dexter his bowl of cereal, then start feeding Hazel. While I’m feeding Hazel, Dexter falls backwards off a kitchen chair and smashes one of the upper support bars and yet manages to walk away not bleeding. Believe me, that is a bonus. I soothe him for 5 minutes, while Hazel screams her head off at the interruption. I then heat up the rest of Hazel’s breakfast and finish feeding her. Dexter is now demanding a cup of milk so I get him his milk. Violet is now screaming because her cheerios are all gone and she’s been done for 10 minutes and wants down. I start wiping her down and Dexter spills his milk. I finish cleaning Violet first then clean up the milk. Dexter is now demanding to watch something else on tv because he doesn’t like this show, it “scares” him (it’s Treehouse people). Now Hazel is screaming because her sister is down first and she wants down. I wipe her off and get her down. Dexter is now demanding his gummy vitamin because I forgot to put it beside his milk. The horror. Now the dog is whining because there’s food on the floor and he’s stuck behind the baby gate. It’s 8am.
Our morning continues……
- While Dexter and I are brushing our teeth, Hazel and Violet get into a fight over the comfy red chair and Hazel bites Violet twice by the time we come out.
- I manage to grab and put away a sippy cup and lid from the dishwasher before the twins accost me to dig in the dishwasher.
- I try to drink a coffee.
- I smell poop. Hazel has filled her pants.
- Violet has fished the margarita mix out of the cupboard and is walking around with it. I don’t have the energy to chase her and it’s not hurting anything. Oh wait, she’s swapped that for a sidekick, her sister is now CHEWING on the margarita mix. Now I have to intervene.
- The dog is whining at the door because he has to pee. I go and tie him outside because he’ll run away if he’s left loose.
- Back to my coffee.
- I smell poop. Violet has filled her pants.
- Hazel has climbed up onto the couch, then the end table and is chewing on a pen she found on her adventure.
- I see Violet walking by with 2 pairs of shorts from her closet.
- I hear extreme giggling and find Dexter doing wrestling moves with Hazel in his car bed while Violet cheers from the sidelines.
- My coffee is cold.
- Hazel has climbed down into the dead area between the couch, ottoman and loveseat and is now stuck, screaming her head off.
- I manage to get 2 plates out of the dishwasher before the twins rush in for inspection.
- Hazel has the hall closet open chewing on a new toothbrush still in the package and extra toilet paper rolls on the floor.
- I try to put away some laundry.
- The dog is barking his head off outside. I go out, untie him and drag him back in.
- I find Dexter eating a chocolate covered granola bar, apparently it’s snack time.
10am – Snack Time – The girls are in their seats and Dexter’s at the table. A moment of calm. I re-heat my coffee and suck it back. The dog is whining again because there is possibly food on the floor. The kids are done and want down. That was a fast 5 minutes.
- I smell poop. Hazel has filled her pants. Again.
- I hear someone throwing the baby monitor on the floor in the twins room. I find Violet has cleared everything off the window sill in their room and is using the monitor cord as a scarf.
- Someone (we all know who!) left the bathroom door open and Hazel has emptied the garbage into the bathtub.
- Violet manages to swipe a sippy cup off the kitchen table and proceeds to empty it onto the floor.
- I see Hazel crawling by with 2 bibs from her closet.
- Dexter and I manage to get dressed. I hear tearing and find Violet has ripped 2 pages out of one of my cookbooks.
- I smell poop. Seriously? HOW? Violet has filled her pants. Again.
- I manage to get 3 spoons out of the dishwasher before the twins rush in for the kill.
- I see Hazel crawling by wearing her pj’s as a hat and discover she’s emptied the laundry hamper in the hallway.
It’s only 11am. I am absolutely exhausted and the girls are now screaming their heads off for lunch because they are STARVING…..I am closing the computer because Violet has pulled the power cord out and is chewing on it. Sigh.
Yes, my “day off” is REALLY just your typical day off. Often I manage to squeeze in grocery shopping too. Those are actually the easier days. Am I crazy? Yes. Certifiable. Do I wish I could stay home 7 days/week with them? Absolutely.