Parenting is tough. It’s no walk in the park BUT there’s no reason why you can’t laugh about it, in fact that’s more of a reason to laugh about it. That’s what I do and I’ve managed to keep some of my sanity. Here’s what I’ve learned in my first 4 years with 3 children….
If it can strangle or electrocute them, kids will want and do anything to play with it.
Babies have some weird incredible screaming stamina.
No matter how much hand sanitizer you use and how often you wipe down the cart, there’s really no point because your family and close friends will come over and infect you with everything under the sun.
Every holiday, one of your kids will be sick and if they weren’t, they are shortly after……see above.
The moment you take the baby gate down for a second at the back step your baby will do a “perfect 10” nose dive off it as you turn around.
The first time you swear in front of your toddler who’s learning to speak, they will repeat it constantly to you and every person they see for days after.
If you say something bad about someone, your child will tell that person the next time you see them.
You will actually love your children MORE when you come back after a few hours or a day away.
What you thought was exhausted BEFORE you had children is what you feel like on a good day WITH children.
Even if your baby screams for 8 hours a day at home, as soon as you take them out in public they are perfect angels and strangers and family will tell you, YOU are crazy, this sweet baby could never be cranky.
Your days of secret speeding tickets are over.
You are never allowed to be sick again, it just does not happen.
Family pictures = face injury
Never tell a child an exciting event more than 1 day in advance or you will be counting down for FOREVER.
If you happen to wear a white shirt on your child, they will gravitate towards the nearest red product and proceed to smear it on themselves by whatever means necessary, ie. Anything with tomatoes, red paint, lipstick…….
Sleeping until 7:30am, IS sleeping in
No matter how good a supper you make, your kids will want to eat zoodles, Kraft dinner or hot dogs instead.
Children will dip anything in everything and eat it ie. Lettuce with ketchup, bread in orange juice.
New clothes deserve grass stains.
Candy and TV are effective negotiating tools.
If you drop something small and can’t find it, just send the baby in, she’ll find it in no time and of course try to eat it.
Stepping on hot wheels really hurts.
Toddlers can run fast, like Olympian fast.
ONE giggle makes every sleepless night, near heart attack, scream in frustration, bawl in your pillow, pull-your-hair-out, cry in the shower, and hide in the bathroom moment worth it!